


Javi

by Fuchsia



Series: Puzzle [2]
Category: Figure Skating RPF, Sports RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-25
Updated: 2015-03-02
Packaged: 2018-03-15 04:57:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3434390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fuchsia/pseuds/Fuchsia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The same story as <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/2505299/chapters/5562605">The Kid</a> seen from Yuzuru's point of view.</p><p>Yuzuru reflects on his relationship with Javier: from the moment he's seen him in competition to when he feels their friendship slowly morphing into something else.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Spanish skater

**Author's Note:**

> And as always I would like to thank my beta [MissMegara](http://archiveofourown.org/users/MissMegara/pseuds/MissMegara) for her precious suggestions, especially when it comes to the epilogue of this part of the "puzzle" :)
> 
>  
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> \---
> 
> Disclaimer: This work is the product of my imagination. These characters and what they do is purely fictional.

The first time he sees him he’s not Javi. He’s not even Javier or Fernandez-san. He’s just another competitor skating under the guidance of Mr Morozov. At practice Mr Morozov is what you see and hear the most: he often shouts instructions or words of approval and disapproval in both Russian and English, and sometimes when his skater is doing a run-through he leans on the board with his blazing eyes riveted to his pupil while seeming to be mumbling strange incantations in Russian. It makes Yuzuru think of an old wizard or a warlock and the simple thought of it never fails to make him laugh. He wonders whether one day he’ll be successful enough for Mr Morozov to seek him out and try to add him to his team of followers, but he doesn’t understand how you can be a truly efficient coach with such a high number of students. Because Morozov is everywhere. And his presence is so big that his skater seems almost non-existent.

Yuzuru goes back to the board to take a sip of water from his bottle and ask Nanami-sensei about the landing of his quad. It’s the first time he’s added one to his programme and he feels more nervous than ever. While he carefully listens to his coach’s remarks Morozov’s skater comes back to the board next to him with a big grin on his face. He doesn’t really pay attention to what he and his trainer are saying, being too focused on his own skating, but as he turns around to grab a tissue from Pooh he is surprised to see how Morozov’s hand lingers on his skater’s shoulders and back just a tad longer than he would have been comfortable with himself. Yuzuru cannot see the skater’s face but he thinks he sees him tense for a split second, before his own coach snaps him out of his reverie and sends him back to work.

The next time he sees the Spanish skater it’s not Morozov watching him at the board but another man he thinks he knows. Brian Orser, a triple axel legend! Mr Orser is much quieter and less flamboyant than Mr Morozov at practice, that’s for sure. And instead of weird incantations he’s all leaps and bounds every time his skater lands a quad or a difficult combination, which is kind of surprising at first and then becomes a familiar sight at the board. Yuzuru easily wins the competition, but he has a feeling that all these quads the Spanish skater was doing in practice and made his coach so happy about are going to get more and more consistent, while he, on the other hand feels more fragile than ever with his shaky quad toe.

Russia is a close call. He was so angry at himself for missing out on the podium in China that he gave his all and more. So much so that he even fell on the steps! But still the Spanish skater – Fernandez-san – definitely caught his attention this time around with his perfect quads. God the way he gets into the rotating position is so quick ! And his landings are so clean ! He is especially amazed at how easy and pristine his quad salchow looks, while he once again wasn’t even able to hold onto his quad toe, both in the short and the free. He feels like there’s this huge crack in his armour and he hates that, he hates being fragile and vulnerable. He won, but it was by the slightest of margin ever. He’s elated to be able to enter the final stage of the Grand Prix series but he is also clearly aware of his limitations. And while he is already analyzing his performance and thinking about what to do next, Fernandez-san congratulates him in such a warm way, it surprises him. There’s something in his eyes that he likes: he doesn’t know if it’s sincerity, kindness, genuine admiration or all of the above but even though he is unable to say more than ‘thank you’ to him he hopes he understands he feels the same way about his skating. 

It’s at the GPF that he really decides he wants Brian Orser as his coach for the next season. He’s been entertaining the idea for a while now but Fernandez’s performances there really seal the deal. He just can’t get over the ease with which he executes all these quads and the tranquility he harbours during most of his performances. He also likes the link that seems to exist between him and his coach. There’s nothing awkward or forced between them and they seem to get along just fine together. The thought of leaving Nanami-sensei, his country and his beloved rink behind kind of rips his heart a little every time he thinks about it. But he’s made his decision. It’s time for him to change and grow. And after all the hardships and heartaches the people around him in Japan have been through, he thinks it is his duty to repay them with the best results possible. Sochi and the Olympic gold is the goal he’s settled for himself after all, and he knows the only way to get there is to relocate to Canada to train harder than ever.

Worlds is a life-changing experience and his final thank you to a coach that led him to where he is right now. The emotion he feels at the end of his free skate and at the moment he hears his score is indescribable. He feels more than ever this unbreakable link that binds him to his coach and his country, but also to skating itself. He has the impression that at his most desperate hour, with his ankle swollen and his placement so far behind, he was suddenly helped by something which was bigger than himself. He wants to believe it was the love and cheers from each and every person around him who showed him unfailing support till now. Because of them he was able to perform a miracle of epic proportions and he just feels so blessed, his heart is overflowing with joy and sheer gratefulness. He never wants to forget this feeling. Ever. And because of this result he is surer than ever about his decision to move abroad and improve. A few days later he gets in touch with Brian-coach who immediately flies to Japan to meet with him. He looks him in the eye and calmly says to him what he wants exactly. Brian smiles at him in a gentle way and tells him he has to ask his pupil before giving him his final answer. And somehow Yuzuru knows Fernandez-san will say yes, because there’s never been fear nor forced politeness in his eyes every time he’s addressed him, but simple warmth and openness.


	2. The training mate and friend

The first time he steps onto the ice of the Cricket Club the whole team of coaches comes fussing around him and he feels a bit overwhelmed. He doesn’t understand half of what each of the people here are saying to him but he can read on their faces that they are happy he is here and ready to make him feel part of the house. He keeps bowing to them and thanking them in both English and Japanese, until both languages get mixed up in his brain and only unintelligible gibberish comes out of his mouth. But he keeps thanking them anyway, because this is the way he was brought up and what feels like the most natural to him. These people are going to take care of him and he feels instantly grateful. That’s not a feeling he has to force upon himself but one that is simply part of who he is. And because of that he knows he doesn’t have to speak perfect English yet for them to get what he genuinely feels. Still he is a bit embarrassed because of all the attention he’s suddenly brought upon himself and Brian is able to spot that. He laughs quietly and finally gives him some space, allowing him to take flight on the ice and get to know his new training playground and territory. While doing so he spots Fernandez-san somewhere on the right side of the rink and skates over to him to formally introduce himself. He keeps repeating the words in English in his head because he doesn’t want to make a slip-up but although he’s tried really hard to pronounce them right he still feels what he’s saying to him doesn’t make much sense. He smiles sheepishly and Fernandez-san flashes him such a bright smile he cannot help but grin back. Fernandez immediately drops any kind of formality around him and tells him to call him simply Javier or Javi, like Brian does, while he in turn calls him Yuzuru and then simply Yuzu. The way he pronounces the sound ‘z’ is not quite right and every time he hears him call him by his name it makes him smile because despite sounding wrong he likes it better this way.

The ice of the Cricket Club is somewhat reassuring to him. Because skating is the only language he masters at this stage he thinks his life continuously gets split up between his on-ice time and his off-ice time. The rest of the time he is either transiting from his home to the rink or doing his homework. Or sleeping. Or talking his mother up to exhaustion just because she’s one of the rare people around him who understands Japanese. Sometimes she really seems to be fed up with all his talking but that’s just because there are too many words stacked up in his head that are burning to come out. When he is at the Cricket Club people around him are the ones flooding him with words that he tries to understand the best he can, until all these syllables get stuck and glued together to the point of becoming one giant mess of sounds he is too tired to try to get unstuck. So he keeps nodding and smiling to all these people and going through the motions, but the more they get to know him the more they can easily spot when he is plain lost in translation. Especially Brian. It leads to very unusual training sessions filled with random hand gestures, false starts, one-sided conversations and embarrassed laughs that kind of lighten up the mood. It’s like being stuck in a parallel universe where each session becomes a puzzle of sort he has to solve. Or at least when it comes to the theoretical part of it. It’s kind of exhausting but once he gets to the practical part, the actual skating itself, he finally feels they are speaking the same language and it’s truly liberating. The screeching of the blades on the ice and the pattern it makes on the shining white surface have the power to soothe him somehow and he knows he’ll make it despite the bumps and the tumbles.

The only person with whom speaking is not a chore is Javier, because from the very beginning they kind of develop their own way of communicating. It starts with skating of course, with challenges they set to each other by a simple look or a quick nod of the head. It sometimes leads to crazy quad battles that leave them slightly dizzy and high after an incalculable number of rotations in the air and a lot of landings on anything but their feet. Especially when it comes to Yuzuru and his new found nemesis the quad salchow. It always ends up with them being completely wiped out and laughing at their own stubbornness: because none of them wants to be the first one to give in. And it always motivates them to come back the day after and do even better. When Javier is not here the white rink feels emptier than ever. Because Javier is always the first one to laugh at one of his linguistic shortcomings as if to say it’s not important. He’s also the one always clapping after Yuzuru finally gets the landing of this freaking salchow right. A little miracle he’s not always able to reproduce right away. And he’s the only one Yuzuru is glad to see sometimes join him on the ice late in the evening long after everyone has left the rink and the buzzing of the busy crowd has ceased. On this silent rink where only the sound of their blades resonates it feels like they are the only souls alive and that being around each other is the easiest thing in the world. Javier never tries to break his concentration at first and leaves him his space, because they just have to know they’re sharing the same ice to feel completely at ease. After a while these solitary sessions become another habit of theirs and he gets used to the sound of their skates gliding in unison as they go over their respective programmes or simply do some stroking exercises together that end up with them racing to find out who’s the fastest of the two. They laugh and argue a lot over who’s really won in the end because Yuzuru likes to see the way Javier’s eyes sparkle and light up every time they’re teasing each other. Sometimes one of them stops moving altogether and silently watches the other perform his jumps or the tricky steps of a new choreography they haven’t completely mastered yet. It still feels raw and a bit rough around the edges, maybe a bit hesitant too, but Yuzuru just can’t get over the way Javier is making it his own by simply being himself. Open, inviting and playful. The way his body moves is something he can’t get out of his head and he realizes simply watching him skate makes him feel happy and good inside. And maybe something else he is not able to clearly define yet.

Because of Javier his time is no longer split up between his on-ice time and his off-ice time, but between the time he spends with him on the ice and the time he spends with him off the ice. Which happens more and more often lately. Javier makes him talk and laugh and just get out of his head, to the point where he is no longer tired of speaking English, as long as it is to tell him something. The words keep coming out more easily to him and even Brian notices it. And when Nam joins the team he feels like he’s finally found a true family here in Canada. But as they settle in a kind of reassuring routine Yuzuru suddenly realizes that if he sees Nam as an adorable younger brother his feelings for Javier get more and more confusing as time passes. He doesn’t get at first why he’s more nervous than usual when Javier is not around for a long period of time until his mom points out to him how snappy he’s got lately. He doesn’t get why every time Javier’s girlfriend comes to join him after training he feels like a pang of jealousy hits him hard in the stomach and brushes it off as a simple reminder of his own loneliness. But lying to oneself is fine for a time until it becomes ridiculous and useless, so he quickly puts an end to it. Which only leaves him more confused and exposed than ever.


	3. The flicker of desire

Yuzuru knows it all started with the touching. Because Javi liked to touch people and that’s something he himself was still a bit uncomfortable with at the beginning. This and European customs in general. He was still unsure of how to hold a fork properly and always got surprised when people offered their cheeks for him to kiss. But for some reason after a while he didn’t mind it so much when Javi put his hand on his back or gave him a hug, and even started initiating some of those himself. Because he got used to it, even addicted to it. His touch was so reassuring, so warm. It became a habit of his in turn, a second language he acquired, like muscle memory.

He thinks maybe sometimes they have a secret code, an instant connection, and they know when the other needs a pat on the back or simply a hand to help get up from the ice. Or when it’s one of these days when everything feels wrong and you’d better not get close unless you want to get bitten. But most of the time he gets close to him anyway, even sometimes without being conscious of it. One minute he is on one side of the rink and the next he is on the other one hovering next to Javier because his feet brought him here in spite of himself. Sometimes he is skating on his own, warming up and thinking about the key points of his programmes Brian told him to focus on today when he feels two broad hands take him by the waist and gently push him forward. It makes his heart beat faster than ever and he really has to work hard on his mental strength to be able to get back to the right frame of mind for his training. Sometimes he wonders if Javier does all this on purpose or if just like him, his hands move on their own accord every time he ends up touching him. He also wonders if he purposely undresses right in front of him in the locker room and if he’s able to see the light shade of red tinging his cheeks or the flicking light of desire suddenly flashing in his eyes every time he tries not to look at him too much when Javier is casually talking to him without a shirt on.

Sometimes he thinks he sees the same kind of flicker in his eyes and wonders whether this has to do with the fact that he feels himself slowly growing and changing day after day. His body feels stronger and his confidence too. Brian tells him he is turning into a man and he can see that if only by the increasing number of fans who seem to be mainly lusting after his body. It feels slightly unreal and he tries not to think about it too much because he’s never had this kind of interest anyway. Sure he’s felt attraction or desire before but more as something distant and abstract. Never as something that tears at his insides and suddenly makes him sweat. Until recently.

He thinks he sees the same kind of feelings mirrored in Javier’s eyes and yet starts doubting himself when he feels him slip away from this touch and become more and more distant. It suddenly disrupts the whole rhythm of their relationship and throws Yuzuru completely off-balance. He always felt such ease and so secure around Javier because of his open personality, he is not prepared for this kind of brutal change in his attitude. It’s more than a mood swing or him momentarily feeling blue and it makes Yuzuru feel helpless and rejected. He hates the way Javier has such a power on him and he wishes he had more control over his own emotions. He doesn’t understand why Javi is not Javi anymore and why he keeps averting his touch, his eyes or his mere presence now. After a while he starts to think that maybe he went too far in Javier’s personal space, to the point of crossing a line he shouldn’t have. Maybe he’s seen this flicker of desire in his eyes or this light shade of red on his cheeks and decided he wanted none of that. Even felt disgusted by it. Maybe after all training with him in the same club with the same people has become more of a burden than a chance and he wants Yuzuru to go away and leave him be. The more Yuzuru thinks about it the more restless and anxious he gets. He grants Javier the space he seems to wish for and watches him from afar instead. Watches every one of his interactions with Brian, Tracy, Nam and even his girlfriend. He’s only been distant with him lately but all in all Javier seems suddenly different with everyone because something simply isn’t right. Something is off. He keeps popping his jumps in pratice and tripping on simple steps to the point when even Brian cannot take it anymore and puts an end to the torture. Once Javier’s gone off the ice Brian asks Yuzuru if he knows what’s going on with him but the only thing he can do is shake his head to his trainer. He wants his own practice to end as quickly as possible now because suddenly the atmosphere at the rink has become too stifling and oppressing for him to concentrate on his skating anyway. Skating without joy is something he is unable to do.

Once the lesson with coach is finally over he declines Nam’s invitation to stay more on the ice to practice jumps and almost runs towards the locker room to just get the hell out of here. As he is about to enter the room he thinks he hears the sound of someone sobbing in there and quickly opens the door to see who it is, although he already knows without even having to look.

Seeing Javi cry alone in the dark does something to his heart he’s not even sure he’s fully able to process at this moment. He walks up to him without even thinking and the only thing he wants right now is to take him in his arms and tell him everything will be alright. He’s comforted him so many times, now it’s his turn to do so. Javi doesn’t even try to escape his touch this time but completely collapses into his embrace. As they both have their arms wrapped around each other Yuzuru starts gently stroking his head, while telling him in his own language that whatever it is that makes him cry like this he will overcome it, because what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. He also tells him how much he’s been missing touching him and holding him close like this. That’s when Javi snuggles his face in his neck and inhales deeply, clinging to him more desperately than ever. Yuzuru instinctively leans down to kiss him on the top of the head to reassure him and let him know he won’t go anywhere. But as they both start to lose themselves in the embrace someone’s coming in the room and suddenly Javier is not in his arms anymore. He is trying really hard not to look at him right now while gathering his things in such a haste he leaves half of his stuff behind. The skater who’s entered the room looks at Yuzuru with a puzzled expression as if to say ‘what’s wrong with him?’, and this time Yuzuru thinks he knows.


	4. End game

The next days feel like a strange interlude, an in-between stage during which none of them gives the slightest hint of what they are truly feeling under the smiles and the pretense. They never seem to be able to catch a moment to be alone anyway, and suddenly seem to be working on complete different schedules, as if their lives had always been clearly separated and disconnected from one another. Nam jokingly says to him that it is the first time he got to spend so much free time with him without Javier stealing him away from him. But Yuzuru is not listening to him. And when he repeats it louder to make him react, the way Yuzuru looks at him makes him swallow the next words he looked like he was about to say. There’s like a flash of understanding washing over him and he stops teasing Yuzuru with this, but tries instead to find other ways to make him laugh and forget.

Yuzuru first tries to spend even more time at the club to have more chances to bump into Javier, but then someone is always there with them and they just keep smiling and pretending while saying nothing to each other. Nothing of importance. Nothing he really wants to say to him. Instead they’re filling the silence with meaningless sentences and casual chit-chat with the rest of the group like ‘God the weather is so cold today !’ and ‘Have you seen how the guy from the cafeteria was hitting on Tracy again?’  
Javier never felt so close and yet unreachable to him than in this moment. He’s never been so unreadable too.

Yuzuru is pretty sure he’s slowly going mad when Nam reminds him of this video game night they’re supposed to have on Wednesday at Javier’s. He seems so excited about it while Yuzuru wonders how a whole night at Javier’s place could possibly go in the current situation. But at some point he stops torturing himself and decides to do what they’ve always been doing until now. Because he simply misses how easy things were between them before. He’s not sure as to what happened to them in-between but all he knows is that he wants old Javi back. Their old friendship back. And maybe Nam’s presence will help ease the tension somehow. Nam is clearly the most excited of the three about all this when he says at the last minute to Yuzu that he won’t be able to make it after all. And when he does so Yuzuru has the strange feeling that Nam is not telling him the truth. That he knew he wouldn’t be able to make it since the very beginning. And that it is up to him to decide whether or not he wants to go now.

Nam’s little stunt gives him the final push he needs, because now he knows he didn’t dream all that happened until now. So he goes there, intent on showing Javier he is still the same Yuzuru. That nothing has changed between them.

And nothing has changed. Because Javier welcomes him like he’s always done it. With openness and warmth. The ice slowly melts and they revert to their old habits. They eat and Javier still doesn’t know how to hold chop sticks properly. They look at videos on Youtube and Yuzuru is still unable to pronounce English properly.

‘’Un-be-le-ble’’.

‘‘No: Un-be-lie-va-ble’’.

‘'That’s what I say: un-be-le-ble’’.

‘‘No you’re not. You’re missing a syllable. Listen to me carefully : un-be-lie-va-ble’’.

‘‘Un-be-ve-le… what?’’

But at this point Javier is laughing so much he’s just laughing along with him, while still reminding him that he’s just eaten his sushi with his fingers instead of chop sticks, something that is ‘unbeleble’ in itself. The word gets Javier to laugh again so much, the entire said sushi comes out of his mouth.

Laughing like this makes him feel completely high, because he’s been worrying so much lately, it started eating him up inside.

They start playing one of the new video games Yuzuru’s brought with him but it is already so late in the night that Javier not only loses against him but loses against sleep too. The moment he crashes into a wall Yuzuru knows it’s no use continuing and switches off the game before gently leading Javi to his bed. He finds it funny how every time they play Javier is the first one to nod off but still manages to stay upright and give the impression he is awake for a while. But Yuzuru knows him well now and finds it a bit cruel to leave him in such a state. He helps him lie on his bed and takes his shoes off, while he finds his hands slowly wandering over his face and his chest for a while. Javier seems completely out of it by now and doesn’t give the slightest hint of being aware of Yuzuru’s touch. He’s asleep and utterly defenseless, which makes Yuzuru feel suddenly a bit wrong so he forces himself out of the room and goes to clean up the living room instead. But once he’s done with all his chores and finds himself running out of ideas to keep him busy he decides it’s time to switch off the light and go to sleep in turn. But he is done sleeping on the couch.

He goes to lie next to Javier’s shape but makes sure he is not touching him this time, because he doesn’t trust himself with his hands and waking up with someone fondling you must definitely be a strange feeling. Instead he turns away from him and curls up while closing his eyes and hoping sleep will find him soon too. But it doesn’t. Javi is all he can think about and the smell of his is everywhere in the room, on the sheets and on his own skin now. He thinks maybe he should have chosen the couch after all when he hears Javi sigh deeply behind him. He’s awake. And he can’t help himself asking this burning question he’s had for days in his head now:

‘‘Why you cried last time? I never see you cry’’.

He still doesn’t turn around because although it is dark he is not sure he is ready to face all these feelings that keep overflowing his heart. But there’s something in Javi’s tone of voice when he answers ‘I don’t know’ that makes him turn around anyway. He’s trying to make out the expression on his face while telling him that sometimes it’s good to cry, because he can already hear the tears in his voice. But Javi tries to find a way out as always by telling him that Spanish people don’t cry. They both laugh but Javi cannot hide from him anymore. And once again his hand moves on its own accord when it reaches out to wipe one of the tears he cannot see but he is still able to perceive in his laugh.

When he is about to take his hand back Javi encloses it in his own and gently kisses his fingers, finally giving him the answer he has been dying to get. He wants to reach out and kiss him but he also doesn’t want to break the spell too soon as Javi’s lips are still brushing his fingers. He finally lets go of his hand and they are suddenly moving in unison, both eager to breach the gap that has kept them away from one another for far too long.

When their lips touch Yuzuru’s heart starts beating so hard in his chest he thinks it might just rip it open. Javier’s lips are soft and pliant and all he wants now is to taste more of him. He opens his mouth and feels a shiver run through his all body the moment Javier’s tongue slips inside, starting his exploration cautiously until their kiss starts becoming more messy as want and desire become overpowering. Their hands are wandering under their shirts, caressing their skins or grabbing at it, running down their smooth backs and coming back to circle their nipples and getting them harder. Yuzuru is not really able to think at this moment but all he knows is that he wants to get closer to Javi, close to the point of melting with him and becoming one with him. He climbs on top of him and kisses him relentlessly, plunging his tongue in his mouth again and again and relishing in the primal need of just tasting him. Tasting all of him. His hips are grinding against him and he can feel how Javi is already hard as their cocks are brushing against each other. It drives him crazy, spurs him into increasing the rhythm of his thrusts as his kisses become harder and deeper. He breaks the kiss for a moment, needing some air to come back to his lungs and starts working on taking both of their shirts off. He feels Javier’s hands glide along his back and settle down on his butt while he bends down again and kisses Javier’s burning skin. He kisses his way down, from his neck to his chest, circling his tongue around his nipples and sucking hard on one of them. The sound Javier makes at this moment turns him on even more if it were possible. His hands are buried in his hair and his back arches under each one of his touch in such an exquisite way that Yuzuru feels bold enough to go down on him and make him completely lose it. But as his mouth keeps getting closer to Javier’s crotch he is suddenly stopped and finds himself on his back instead, with Javier hovering over him and kissing him hard first, before sliding his tongue down his neck to the hollow of his shoulder-bone. Uncontrollable moans escape from his mouth when he feels Javier thrust down while sucking on his skin. The pace he settles is fast and urgent, each thrust hard and sharp and already threatening to make them both fall over the edge quicker than what they would have liked to. Yuzuru still wants to feel more of him, wraps his legs around his waist, follows each one of his movements, answers each one of his thrusts with a feverish one of his own, until suddenly his orgasm hits him hard and catches him off guard. His hips are still twitching against Javier’s when he feels him tremble in turn and spout a long uninhibited groan in his neck, before they both slowly relax down and finally go limp, their bodies and hearts both completely drained and satisfied. Yuzuru doesn’t feel like saying anything as he’s struggling to catch his breath down. He simply leans down and puts a tender kiss on the top of Javier’s head, his eyes already closing in exhaustion.

***

From then on Yuzuru and Javier’s time gets continuously split up between the time they spend as colleagues and friends on the rink and the time they spend as lovers and companions at night. But only at night. Their bodies meet and melt together every time they share a bed and yet Yuzuru feels like a part of himself is being torn from him every time they step into the light and Javi belongs to someone else. Love hurts and burns and is just too much to take sometimes. But it gives another dimension to his skating. It makes him grow and change in a way he has never felt before. It make him ache in a way he hasn’t experienced yet.

Yuzuru sometimes thinks that what happened to him in this post-Olympic season full of hardships and heartaches perfectly mirrors what happened between him and Javier behind closed curtains. Love and desire kind of came crashing upon them and left them completely disoriented and dizzy at first. It took some time for them to adapt to this new relationship and to find their rhythm again. It took quite a few bumps and tumbles along the way, and yet at the end of the day he feels like they have finally found a true home in each others’ arms. Just like Yuzuru feels completely at home here in Barcelona where he cheers like crazy for Javi, because he feels that without him he would never have been able to stand up again and perform the way he did tonight.

And when Javi and him tightly hug each other on the podium at the GPF Yuzuru cannot help but look back at everything they’ve been through since that first night they’ve shared a bed together and smile with fondness. He thinks of all these nights they didn’t dare say what they were truly feeling and it makes him chuckle. He thinks of all these times they played at being someone they were not and it makes him realize how far they have come. Yuzuru no longer feels the need to hide backstage or restrain himself from jumping on Javier and hold him close in front of thousands of cameras because he cannot hide who he truly is any longer, and neither can Javier. Of course they are still playing at being friends only, but it’s a game they are playing together now, and not against each other anymore. It a secret they share and that makes them wink and glance at each other with a playful smile on their lips and a knowing look in their eyes.

 

But somehow all this doesn’t come as a surprise because he’s always known it : to go and train with the Spanish skater is one of the best decision he has ever made in his life.


End file.
